Whom the Lord Loveth He Correcteth

       Almost always throughout my life, I have looked at trials, hurdles, and correction as a lack of love from God. I am quick to get on my knees, shake my fist, and ask purely out of frustration "Why, if God loves His children so much, is He breaking my heart? Why is He pushing me so hard?" This week the spirit slammed an obvious response into my mind and my heart. I love the simplicity of the gospel. No matter how old I get or how much additional gospel knowledge I obtain, the spirit always seems to teach me the most basic principles I learned and sang about as a Primary child.
       I remember an experience I had on my mission that helped me understand exactly how God might feel while giving His children trials and correction. I had a companion who I dearly loved. (I never really had one I didn't.) She came at a time I really needed her and she helped me in so many aspects of missionary life. We had an awesome relationship and it really made teaching so effortless. We were just about to start our second transfer together when I noticed that she was doing something disobedient. It wasn't anything serious or anything that really interfered with our work, but I knew it was against mission rules. I debated for days whether or not I should say anything. We had such a great friendship, she had taught me so much, and I was a newer missionary. Who was I to correct her? More than anything, I really didn't want to undo the friendship we had and cause friction in our companionship. I prayed about it every day and the spirit gave me some of the best mission advice I have ever received.

"If what your companion is doing keeps her from being an obedient and worthy missionary, you have a sacred duty to lovingly correct her. If what she is doing does NOT keep her from being an obedient and worthy missionary, you have a sacred duty to practice patience and the love of Christ, and you are the one who needs to change." 

        Oh. My. Lanta. Seriously, some of the best spiritual advice I have ever gotten. And it blessed so many of my companionships. I decided that I needed to tell this companion how I was feeling. I practiced how I would say it, prayed about it, and waited for a good time to bring up the issue. Well. It did NOT go well. She was upset, her feelings were hurt and it really did not have the effect on our companionship that I thought it would. The next few days were full of tension, long quiet walks, and very little support in lessons. I felt terrible. I started regretting even bringing up the issue. I am a bit of a people-pleaser and I HATE contention. I felt bad that I had caused this tension in our companionship and knew that we had 5 long weeks ahead of us left in the transfer. There were multiple times I almost retreated only to tell her it wasn't that big of a deal and that I was sorry. But the spirit always stopped me. Which I really hated. I wanted the tension to go away and for our friendship to come right back. A few days later, we talked about it again. This time, both of our hearts were softened and we were both willing to change. We talked about how I could help her to be obedient and she offered some correction to me on how I could also improve. We had a successful final transfer together and our relationship improved overall because we worked out the issue.

        This experience has helped me to look through God's eyes about how He feels giving trials to His children. His work and His glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man (Moses 1:39). All His work is centered around helping His children become like He is and eventually give us all He has. The trials and heartaches of this life are given to us, not as a punishment for failure to live the gospel perfectly, but rather as a demonstration of God's love. A scripture I came to love on my mission is spoken by the apostle Paul:

"Whom the Lord loveth, He correcteth." Proverbs 3:12

        Too often I fail to understand that the Lord is giving me these bumps in the road because He absolutely loves and cherishes me as His daughter. Trials are some of the most evident examples of His love and awareness for His children. Giving a trial to those living in mortality says "I love you so much, that I am going to break, push, and challenge you to be better. I am going to risk our relationship taking a U-turn because I want you to grow and reach your ultimate potential. You may be angry with me, doubt my motives, and even question whether or not I am present. But this trial will help you become what you need to be in order to find eternal happiness. I love you that much."
        Because we are all mortally-minded, we often can't see the big picture while we are facing difficult times. This week I thought about all those times I've knelt to pray, only to tell God how upset I am with Him and what He's allowed me to go through. I have dragged my feet bitterly and questioned why He would push me so hard if He really loved me. I thought about my mission and how difficult it was to correct my companion. I was sad to see her distance herself from me. I loved her immensely and just wanted her to be the best missionary she could be. When she would respond negatively towards me I felt terrible and just wanted her to know that I corrected her because I knew she could be better. I loved her and wanted her to find happiness in knowing she was being an obedient missionary. That experience gave me a very small glance into how God might feel as He allows those trials to come into our lives. All He wants is for me to understand that He corrected, broke, and pushed me because He sincerely loves me and wants me to be better. He wants me to find satisfaction and happiness in knowing I am fulfilling His plan for me. He wants me to learn vital lessons and principles that will shape me into the woman I need to be in order to prepare myself for eternal life. Love is not just simply present while trials are given, rather love is ALWAYS His motive. The primary lesson learned this week is that God loves His children. Such an obvious doctrine, but I love that the spirit can teach it over and over again and have such a uniquely different and powerful impact every time.
       I am grateful for trials and moments that have stretched me. I am grateful for the heart surgery God is constantly performing on me to help me change. I know that correction, missed opportunities, heartache, and rejection prepare us to become more like the Savior. I know the love of God never departs from any of His children, especially during the storms of life. Can I get an amen?

Pornography: The Accessible, the Affordable, and the Anonymous

       My freshman year of college was one of the happiest times of my life. I made some incredible friends and I will always look back on my time at Dixie with a flood of happy memories. The first Valentine's Day as a college student for me was spent with my roommates, some of the best girls I know. We happened to all be totally working the single life that year and decided to make it a girl's night. We went to Pizza Factory where we totally indulged ourselves in proper sized personal pizzas and endless breadsticks. It was great because when you're dating, you never eat as much as you really want to because you don't want your guy or gal to think you're a total pig. So you keep things low key. Since we were all beyond single, there was no holding back and it was a great dinner. Then we headed to the movie theater where we somehow decided seeing a Nicholas Sparks movie was the best option. On Valentine's Day? What were we thinking? What reminds you better that you're single than a movie theater completely full of cuddling couples as Nicholas Sparks shoves unrealistic, immediate, and passionate love into your brain? Anyone who has ever seen a Nicholas Sparks movie knows the cycle. Boy meets girl, they don't get along, something brings them together, they fall in love, a problem arises to test their new love, problem gets resolved, couple stays in love, end credits. Sorry if I just blew the plot to his next movie. As we sat in the theater, the movie worked up to a climatic and romantic "scene". Yep, one of those scenes you tell people, "Oh there's just one part you'll need to fast forward through, other than that, it's a great movie!" We all sat there as active and good church girls. We dressed modestly, went to church every week, we didn't swear or drink, and we certainly weren't immoral. But we all stayed in our seats uncomfortably and didn't say anything. The scene wrapped up, the movie ended and we headed home.
       As I have worked on various projects the past few weeks for school, I have come back to this experience several times. I've thought a lot about what that experience, and many others similar to it, have done to me and how they've changed my perception on relationships and intimacy. More than ever, it's important that we recognize what is and what isn't pornography, what it can do to our current and future relationships, and how to overcome or support those trying to get out of that world.

Redefining Pornography: What it is and what it isn't
       I think one of the most difficult things families find in realizing a loved one has developed a sexual addiction is the rapidness of it all. It seems as though an addiction has flourished abruptly and completely without warning. The truth is that most of us are exposed to some form of pornography on a daily basis without realizing, or perhaps without wanting to admit that that's exactly what it is. When I was in that movie theater I didn't see anything, the actors were covered to a certain point and I was never exposed to any kind of nudity. So, to many, that would not meet the criteria for pornography. However, I knew exactly what was happening in that scene. It triggered certain emotions and thoughts that I knew weren't appropriate and for weeks I couldn't stop replaying that scene in my mind. Pornography has the ability to create lasting images in the mind that are not easily erased. And so frequently with those inappropriate thoughts come actions step by step leading us closer to the "quicksand" world of sexual addiction.

"Pornographic or erotic stories and pictures are worse than filthy or polluted food. The body has defenses to rid itself of unwholesome food. With a few fatal exceptions, bad food will only make you sick but do no permanent harm. In contrast, a person who feasts upon filthy stories or pornographic or erotic pictures and literature records them in this marvelous retrieval system we call a brain. The brain won’t vomit back filth. Once recorded, it will always remain subject to recall, flashing its perverted images across your mind and drawing you away from the wholesome things in life."

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "Pornography", April 2005 

       It's funny because when we see a movie like that and recommend it to a friend we never say, "Oh, it's a great movie! There's just one small pornographic scene is all!" If we said that, we might really turn a few heads. Instead we just call it a "scene", a "bad part", and advise people to just cover their eyes or skip to the next part. Why is it that we have such a problem calling it what it is? It is pornography. While there are certainly various levels of pornography ranging from extremely soft to intense hardcore, all pornography is pornography. The sooner we can tell ourselves that, the better equip we will be to defend ourselves against the adversary's many tactics to lead us down that road.

       By definition "pornography" is "printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings." Too often we make the mistake of limiting the definition of pornography to images and videos on websites often searched for late at night. The Church's Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts pamphlet (amazing resource, check it out here!) spells out a few more areas that it can be found. "Pornography depicts or describes the human body or sexual conduct in a way that arouses sexual feelings. It may be found in written material including romance novels, photographs, movies, electronic images, video games, Internet chat rooms, erotic telephone conversations, music, or any other medium. It is a tool of the adversary."
       When my dad was the Young Men's president in our ward he worked closely with the bishop to help young men and women understand an important lesson. If fishing is a hobby of yours, you will understand the term "chumming". Chumming is the the practice of luring fish by throwing chum into the water. Chum is bait consisting of fish parts, bone and blood, which attract fish. They used this example frequently to demonstrate an analogy for the way the youth dress. "When you young women dress immodestly, you are chumming for the inappropriate attention of young men." The same can be said for young men who dress inappropriately or insist on having their shirt off for various activities that can easily be performed with it on (Eh hem, Matthew McConaughey). Any attire that attracts inappropriate attention can be classified as walking soft-core pornography. Now, I know what you're thinking. That's a bit of a stretch, and boys/girls just need to learn to control themselves and their thoughts. You know, it's not a stretch if you understand the work of the adversary. He works step by step, adding a little more to the pile every time. Usually if he can get an individual to do something marginal in one area of church standards, he can get them in other areas as well. I frequently heard my dad while I was in young women's reminding all of the youth to avoid chumming. (The YM even had t-shirts made.) Without even realizing it at the time, it taught me that I had a sacred responsibility to keep myself clean on the outside and the inside to keep myself and others protected from pornography.
       So, let's recap. Pornography is anything that arouses sexual feelings, whether it's a Nicholas Sparks movie or an immodestly dressed man or woman and everything between and beyond.

The Subtlety of the Adversary
       Pornography, like the adversary himself, comes in many different forms and disguises, never admitting what it really is or what its primary role and purpose is. Can you imagine if Satan walked right on up and said, "Well hey there Brother so and so, I'm just checking in quick. Looks like you just got back from the temple. Well, I'm going to put this commercial in your path today that will have a beautiful young woman dressed in a revealing bathing suit. My purpose is to get you thinking about a few immoral things and eventually get you hooked on some type of sexual compulsivity." Yeah right. Satan unfortunately is not an idiot and has mastered what he does. He's sneaky, subtle, and is a master manipulator.

" For behold, at that day shall he rage in the hearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good.

And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.

And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance."

(2 Nephi 28:20-22)

       Satan wants us comfortable and relaxed and unfortunately, his success rates are pretty high and always on the rise. Just like we wont be given a WARNING alert before a commercial comes on with a model inappropriately dressed (chumming), Satan will not announce his presence or his purposes in deceiving us. For that reason, a constant and daily nourishment of the scriptures is absolutely vital in educating us on his many strategies. And in contrast, the scriptures will teach us the things of the Spirit, which are contrary to everything Satan is a part of. If we understand and seek the presence of the Spirit, we will never question what source "those scenes" or other soft-core/hardcore  pornography comes from. 

       I remember one of my first weeks in my singles ward in St. George when my bishop stood and gave a powerful talk on the dangers of pornography. He said there were three main reasons pornography was so tempting; the 3 A's. Pornography is Affordable, Accessible, and Anonymous. Much of pornography accessed through the internet is free allowing for limitless downloads and searches. With internet accessibility, video, audio, and visual searches are virtually endless. And perhaps the most inviting reason, it's completely anonymous and can be done in absolute secrecy. When an individual carries a different type of addiction such as smoking or drinking, the smell of the cigarette or alcohol can linger on their clothing or their breath. An addiction to pornography, masturbation, voyeurism, or any other sexual compulsivity for that matter, can be done behind closed doors where no one will know. And that aspect there, the very reason Satan said it would be okay, is where he gets us yet again.

Quicksand

“Pornography brings a vicious wake of immorality, broken homes, and broken lives. Pornography will sap spiritual strength to endure. Pornography is much like quicksand. You can become so easily trapped and overcome as soon as you step into it that you do not realize the severe danger. Most likely you will need assistance to get out of the quicksand of pornography. But how much better it is never to step into it.” 

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin,“Press On,” November. 2004

       In Patrick Carnes' book, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (another amazing resource!) he explains the 4-step cycle of sexual addiction: 1. Preoccupation, 2. Ritual, 3. Sexual Behavior, and 4. Despair.

       These four steps become a habitual routine, making them difficult to change or abandon. Preoccupation describes the constant fantasying of the things a person has seen or done in regards to sexual conduct. The thoughts never seem to leave one's mind, and hours can be wasted day dreaming about images or videos seen months prior. The ritual stage include the actions that lead to the sexual behavior. For many, this involves turning on the computer, closing the door, waiting until everyone is asleep and then spending countless hours clicking away. The act alone of turning on the monitor becomes arousing to the addict, knowing what is only a few moments away. The sexual behavior is the actual process of seeing new images, videos, reading material, etc., often accompanied with masturbation or other sexual practices. What is so interesting to me is the fourth step that always comes back after doing something you truly believe will make you feel good. Despair comes time and time again and leaves the individual feeling shameful and embarrassed for what they've done. (Alma 41:3) They are left alone in their hatred for what they have done, feeling like they are quietly destroying their families and everything that is important to them. Carnes calls pornography the "athlete's foot of the mind, always begging to be itched and promising relief, but never being fully satisfied." Usually this despair ends with a commitment that this was the last time, but that pledge is almost always overridden by the beginning stages of the cycle where it begins all over again. 

"Why is lust such a deadly sin? Well, in addition to the completely Spirit-destroying impact it has upon our souls, I think it is a sin because it defiles the highest and holiest relationship God gives us in mortality—the love that a man and a woman have for each other and the desire that couple has to bring children into a family intended to be forever. Someone said once that true love must include the idea of permanence. True love endures. But lust changes as quickly as it can turn a pornographic page or glance at yet another potential object for gratification walking by, male or female. True love we are absolutely giddy about—as I am about Sister Holland; we shout it from the housetops. But lust is characterized by shame and stealth and is almost pathologically clandestine—the later and darker the hour the better, with a double-bolted door just in case. Love makes us instinctively reach out to God and other people. Lust, on the other hand, is anything but godly and celebrates self-indulgence. Love comes with open hands and open heart; lust comes with only an open appetite."

Elder Jefferey R. Holland, "Place No More For the Enemy of My Soul", April 2010

       Many pornography-users will argue that because it is done in privacy and solitude, it does not affect nor hurt anyone else. However, what happens in that locked office changes the individual. He/She suddenly becomes demanding, cruel and impatient. Just as quickly as the addiction began, priorities will change and relationships will be destroyed. President Hinckley often spoke of letters he received from both men and women sharing the heartache that entered their relationships as a result of sexual addiction.

“Dear President Hinckley,
“My husband of 35 years died recently. … He had visited with our good bishop as quickly as he could after his most recent surgery. Then he came to me on that same evening to tell me he had been addicted to pornography. He needed me to forgive him [before he died]. He further said that he had grown tired of living a double life. [He had served in many important] Church callings while knowing [at the same time] that he was in the grips of this ‘other master.’
“I was stunned, hurt, felt betrayed and violated. I could not promise him forgiveness at that moment but pleaded for time. … I was able to review my married life [and how] pornography had … put a stranglehold on our marriage from early on. We had only been married a couple of months when he brought home a [pornographic] magazine. I locked him out of the car because I was so hurt and angry. …
“For many years in our marriage … he was most cruel in many of his demands. I was never good enough for him. … I felt incredibly beaten down at that time to a point of deep depression. … I know now that I was being compared to the latest ‘porn queen.’ …
“We went to counseling one time and … my husband proceeded to rip me apart with his criticism and disdain of me. …
“I could not even get into the car with him after that but walked around the town … for hours, contemplating suicide. [I thought,] ‘Why go on if this is all that my “eternal companion” feels for me?’
“I did go on, but zipped a protective shield around myself. I existed for other reasons than my husband and found joy in my children, in projects and accomplishments that I could do totally on my own. …
“After his ‘deathbed confession’ and [after taking time] to search through my life, I [said] to him, ‘Don’t you know what you have done?’ … I told him I had brought a pure heart into our marriage, kept it pure during that marriage, and intended to keep it pure ever after. Why could he not do the same for me? All I ever wanted was to feel cherished and treated with the smallest of pleasantries … instead of being treated like some kind of chattel. …
“I am now left to grieve not only for his being gone but also for a relationship that could have been [beautiful, but was not]. …
“Please warn the brethren and sisters. Pornography is not some titillating feast for the eyes that gives a momentary rush of excitement. [Rather] it has the effect of damaging hearts and souls to their very depths, strangling the life out of relationships that should be sacred, hurting to the very core those you should love the most.”

       Pornography highjacks your virtue and your ability to choose, destroys the family and pollutes the Spirit. It hurts the people we care about very most and takes absolutely no responsibility for it.

Prevention and Redemption: Overcoming Sexual Addiction through the Atonement

       The best way to overcome pornography and its addictive companions is to never engage in the behavior to begin with. Don't use the excuse that it is everywhere and difficult to avoid. President Hinckley reminds us that weather is difficult to avoid as well, but that doesn't mean we walk out in the rain with shorts and sandals on.  We dress accordingly to shield ourselves. Protect yourself. Stand in holy places and be not moved. Commit to stay clean and never put yourself in a situation where you are likely to give in to temptation. Don't surround yourself with temptation and expect to overcome sin. Get that computer out of a closed-door office and get it in an open space. Talk about pornography with your family and make sure it's not a taboo topic. Ask questions to leaders and parents, don't take your curiosity to the Internet. Stay close to the Savior, serve others, and indulge yourself in the word of God. "..the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else.." Alma 31:5 Prevention is always the best option.
       We are a church that preaches 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 100th chances and opportunities to change. The Atonement is accessible 24 hours a day, 375 days a year. While it is always better to never become involved with the sin in the first place, God understood in the beginning that His children would give in to temptation and would make mistakes. The Atonement was performed to pull those struggling with addiction out and relieve them from their shame and powerlessness.
       Getting out of something so dangerous like this will take a lot more than just reading your scriptures and praying more. It's a real job that takes time, considerable effort, and help outside yourself. Just like any other mistake, it takes significant humility to admit you have a problem or that you have shortcomings. Coming to admit your mistakes to yourself, your family, a loving bishop and your Father in Heaven are some of the most difficult steps of overcoming an addiction or habit to pornography. But the good news of the gospel is that there is an antidote. There is nothing that cannot be made right through the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Nothing. 

"I do not know who in this vast audience today may need to hear the message of forgiveness inherent in this parable, but however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.

Whether you are not yet of our faith or were with us once and have not remained, there is nothing in either case that you have done that cannot be undone. There is no problem which you cannot overcome. There is no dream that in the unfolding of time and eternity cannot yet be realized. Even if you feel you are the lost and last laborer of the eleventh hour, the Lord of the vineyard still stands beckoning. “Come boldly [to] the throne of grace,” and fall at the feet of the Holy One of Israel. Come and feast “without money and without price” at the table of the Lord."

Elder Jeffry R. Holland, "Laborers in the Vineyard", October 2015

       If you have found yourself stuck in this rut, I plead with you to seek help from those who care so much about you and only want your happiness and success. I remind you that while the repentance process will be lengthy and painful, there is someone who has already descended below all things and He will be there with you every step of the way. For those whose family members or friends find themselves struggling with sexual addiction, be patient and be kind. As disciples of Christ, it is never our job to judge or act harshly, but to exercise unconditional love and an outpouring of support. 

       May we all be on our guard, knowing that Satan is truly well-educated and stands ready to attack in any situation. Don't be afraid to call pornography what it is, and be sure you're not it. In all situations, be kind. And may we never forget that the arms of the Savior are always extended, ready to welcome you back. 

Perfect Love Casteth Out Fear: Our Sappy Love Story

       "Do you know what your Father in Heaven expects of you now that you've completed your mission?" I rambled off a few of what I thought were the obvious answers; continue to be a missionary, go to the temple, continue studying the scriptures? "Hermana Nichols, God expects you to ensure your salvation, and the way you do that is by making covenants. Isn't there a covenant you still haven't made?" My mission president was never one for beating around the bush. My final interview with President Kahnlein was one of the highlights of my mission. It felt like an extension of my patriarchal blessing and, like every other experience throughout my mission, it taught me how aware the Lord was of me as His daughter.
       Rewinding back 18 months, I never thought President Kahnlein would be pointing me back in Chris' direction. Chris had returned home from Brazil during the Summer where we quickly realized single life wasn't really our thing. Date nights became more frequent and it became more and more difficult to spend time away from each other. We finally came around to the topic of marriage and decided to fast and pray separately to see whether or not that was the direction the Lord wanted us to head toward. I fasted into Sunday, trying to be extra sensitive to the promptings of the Spirit. I remember praying about Chris and a line from my patriarchal blessing came running through my mind. Paraphrasing, it says that I should select a companion who loves the Lord. It's simple but it came powerfully to my mind. I knew Chris loved his Heavenly Father and that living the gospel was his top priority. So in my mind, that was my answer. A few days later Chris and I talked about our fasts. While I was confident in my answer and the direction we were going, Chris felt differently. He felt like the answer he received was telling him that now wasn't the right time. We ended up breaking up and I was in complete shock. I started questioning whether or not I really understood how to receive revelation and over analyzing the peace I felt when I prayed about Chris. I couldn't understand why we received two different answers leading us in opposite directions.
       After drowning my sorrows in Dr. Pepper and Oreos for a couple weeks, I continued praying to know what God wanted from me. I asked Him what I needed to do with my life and I what I needed to change. The answer came only a few days later.

 "I am pleased to announce that worthy able young women may now begin their missionary service at age 19..We welcome your service."

       In a matter of seconds my life changed completely. I started seriously praying about whether or not I should go. I wanted to, but not just because I wasn't getting married. I wanted to serve because I knew what a mission meant to my dad and my brother. I saw what an impact it made on both of them and the love they developed for their areas of service and the people they were with. I wanted that. Most of all, I wanted to help people change. I prayed and again received a distinct thought from the Spirit; "If you serve, you have to be okay with letting Chris go." I thought a lot about that. I knew there was a good chance Chris would be married and well moved on by the time I got home, and I had to know that if I was going to serve the Lord, I needed to leave all other personal things at home. I submitted my papers, knowing that maybe Chris and I just weren't supposed to be together. He came to my farewell, told me good luck and hugged me goodbye. As I watched him walk away (this is so dramatic, I know.) I wondered where he would be 18 months from then. 

       I reported to the MTC three days later and became completely obsessed with my mission. I embraced the culture, the people were incredibly easy to love, and I was completely focused on the Lord's work. It was exactly how I wanted to spend my mission. Almost at my year mark, I was in Agua Santa with one of my dearest companions Hermana Nunez. We spent three transfers together (almost five months) and grew incredibly close. During a p-day as we were writing our families, a familiar name popped into my inbox. After almost a year of silence, Chris checked in. On the verge of screaming/running around the internet cafe, Hermana Nunez and I copied and pasted the email into Google translator so she could understand what the letter said. Of course, Google is never accurate and the letter didn't make any sense. I finally translated every line back to my companion and we squealed through the entire thing. Without saying a lot, I knew Chris was still there and that he valued our friendship.

       Weekly letters were such a blessing and I loved gaining insights from his experiences. Letters were always centered on the work, his callings, my investigators, and how we were trying to improve that week. He definitely held me accountable to trying to change and applying new gospel principles. He was helping me be better, which is exactly why I was so drawn to him in the beginning. Before we knew it, 18 months was up and it was time for me to go home.

       I knew that Chris was home and that some big and important decisions needed to be made. I started remembering his prompting from the spirit to wait, and wondered if my answer I received almost two years earlier could still have been right. As I walked into President's office, I had a lot on my mind. After finally admitting that I knew the Lord expected me to go and find a husband when I got home, President taught me a vital principle. I told him all about Chris and our history. I told him I thought I loved him and that he very well could be the man that takes me to the temple. But I also said I did NOT want to be "that girl" who gets married virtually immediately after coming home. I wanted to take things slow. President Kahnlein has a funny way of dealing with stubborn personalities. "Hermana Nichols, do you know what it means to do things in the Lord's time?" "Sure," I said. "It means we need to be patient and wait on His timeline." "Well, that's half of it. Let's see if I can explain it in a way you'll understand. How many times did you invite investigators to be baptized on the first lesson?" I told him that it happened every day. When the Spirit prompts you to invite someone to follow Jesus Christ, it is really difficult to ignore. "And how did you feel when the investigator said no to that invitation?" It was really hard. I hated seeing people turn down the opportunity to follow their Savior, especially when the Spirit was prompting them to move forward. "Hermana Nichols, the Lord is hastening His work. Often, the Lord needs us to act and move forward promptly and quickly. Doing things in the Lord's time means we wait when He tells us to wait, and to act when He tells us to act. Do you understand?" I started to catch on. "If the Lord prompts you through the Spirit to marry Chris and you retreat, that is a form of disobedience. Hasn't your mission taught you to be obedient, especially to the promptings of the Holy Ghost?" Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the power and wisdom of President Kahnlein. 

       I went home with a lot of determination to figure out what direction Chris and I needed to take, and those answers came quick. I started to remember my patriarchal blessing advising me to find someone who loves the Lord. Chris and I talked a lot about how difficult it was to accept the answer to simply wait. He said it was a prompting he really didn't understand until he was prompted again by the Spirit (and his sweet mama) to write me. I started to see clearly that Chris loved me then, but He loved the Lord more. He wanted to do what was right, and that meant waiting. Seeing Chris and his willingness to do the Lord's will, no matter what it required, showed me that he truly loved Him. We were engaged a month after I returned home and sealed four months later in the Salt Lake City Temple.

       There's a scripture in the New Testament in first John that says "perfect love casteth out fear." (1 John 4:18) When I saw how much Chris loved the Lord, I wasn't nervous about taking those significant steps anymore. It took my fear away. I remember the stake president asking Chris if he loved me more than anyone else and Chris promptly said "Nope!" (Ouch...) He was quick to add, "But she's a close second." I love that Chris loves God more than he loves me. It's the way it should be. The perfect love we have for the Lord has made our marriage a sacred experience and has made difficult decisions a lot easier. As we've continued trying to put our faith in the Savior and the plan He's outlined for our lives, we have never been led to anything short of a downpour of blessings. Here's to eternity!

The True Meaning of Christmas: Receiving

       With the Nichols', there is no such thing as a quiet gathering. Every year for Christmas we gather for an epic night of chocolate fountains, surprise visits from the Grinch, Santa or sometimes his elves to publicly share embarrassing moments from the year that landed us on the naughty list. There are gift exchanges, and obviously, some great food. I feel so lucky to have the family I do. Gift exchanges between the cousins are a highlight of Christmas during my childhood. Opening up a present that was picked out with you in mind is such an exciting thing. Several years ago, my sister had drawn our cousin, Casey. I don't remember what else the gift included, but I remember that Cami had attached a packet of white gum and drawn over the plastic covering little black dots and a carrot nose, making little faces of snowmen. To anyone else, it really wasn't that big of a deal. But not to Casey. He squealed and laughed and "aww"'ed, until everyone fully appreciated that little packet of gum as the greatest gift ever given. Another cousin of mine, Ashley had received bottled water, and had a very similar reaction. The giddy receiving of these simple gifts gave an important reminder to the rest of us to show gratitude for the small and simple gifts given throughout the year.
       The scriptures talk about a lot of gifts. The gift of the Holy Ghost, the gift and power of God, gifts of translation and of tongues, of healing, and of believing. It's no hidden fact that Heavenly Father absolutely loves to bless His children. He delights in giving and I imagine that He looks for almost any excuse to pour out the blessings.

"Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh, receiveth; and he that seeketh, findeth; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened.

Or what man is there of you, who, if his son ask bread, will give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father who is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?"

3 Nephi 14:7-11

        Heavenly Father has an endless supply of gifts and blessings He is eager to send to His children. He knows what things are meaningful and of most value to each and every one of us. In one of the most symbolic and sacred scriptural accounts ever recorded, Lehi teaches yet another lesson about God's perfect love and the nature of His character. In regards to that vision, Elder David A. Bednar taught the following:

"The central feature in Lehi’s dream is the tree of life—a representation of “the love of God” (see 1 Nephi 11:21–22). “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Thus, the birth, life, and atoning sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ are the greatest manifestations of God’s love for His children. As Nephi testified, this love is “most desirable above all things” and, as the angel in his vision declared, “most joyous to the soul” (1 Nephi 11:22–23; see also 1 Nephi 8:12, 15). Chapter 11 of 1 Nephi presents a detailed description of the tree of life as a symbol for the life, ministry, and sacrifice of the Savior—“the condescension of God” (1 Nephi 11:16).

The fruit on the tree is a symbol for the blessings of the Atonement. Partaking of the fruit of the tree represents the receiving of ordinances and covenants whereby the Atonement can become fully efficacious in our lives. The fruit is described as “desirable to make one happy” (1 Nephi 8:10) and produces great joy and the desire to share that joy with others.

Significantly, the overarching theme of the Book of Mormon—inviting all to come unto Christ—is paramount in Lehi’s vision."

Elder David A. Bednar, "Lehi's Dream: Holding Fast to the Rod", 2011

       Only a few chapters later, the scriptures describe this fruit as the "most precious and most desirable above all other fruits" and the "greatest of all the gifts of God." (1 Nephi 15:36) Chris and I love paying extra attention to scriptures with words like "always" or  "greatest" in them. Out of all the amazing blessings God can offer us, the GREATEST He offers to His children is the chance to use the Atonement of His only begotten Son and become clean from mortal mistakes. 

       One of the most meaningful Christmas's throughout my life was the Christmas I got to spend with my Chilean family during my mission. It was unlike any Christmas I had ever celebrated and will always stick out in my mind. So often in the church, we are in need of the reminder that Christmas is not about receiving but rather giving and serving those around us. The reason that Christmas stood out so much in my mind was because I made my Christmas all about receiving. Let me explain.

       One would think that while serving a mission, you are feeling your best. Your testimony is growing, you're obedient, and you're away from so many worldly distractions. Missionaries should feel at their highest spiritual level right? For me, and I'm sure for many other missionaries, my faults seem to magnify and triple in size. Every time that I seemed to overcome a weakness of mine, a new one showed up and by the time I got that one under control, the former weakness had snuck up on me again. I really started to understand why the prophets and apostles were always urging the members of the church to participate in daily repentance. One morning before personal scripture study, I was praying about how I could make that Christmas a personal experience. I had Elder Ballard's challenge in mind, to find one soul before Christmas and to invite them to come unto Christ. I was trying so hard to turn outward and serve everyone else. But the answer I got was to look inward, at least a little bit, and to make that year a year of receiving. To receive all the gifts my Father in Heaven had been trying so hard to offer me, but that I had been rejecting over the course of my life.

       Have you ever thought about what Christ wants for Christmas? He wants all of His brothers and sisters to receive Him. Has there ever been a time in your life where you have felt like the Atonement was just out of your reach, or that somehow you weren't quite worthy enough to participate in the cleansing process? I think there are so many times in our lives that we withhold those blessings from ourselves, feeling like we don't deserve forgiveness just yet, that we need to be punished for our sins just a little longer, or that we aren't truly capable of changing. That must hurt Christ more than any kind of disobedience. His suffering was incomprehensible; bleeding from every pour, asking the Father for another way because of the unbearable pain, He carried His own cross to Calvary and then suffered until death with nails in His hands and in His feet. The act of the Atonement was carried out through love and paid at a terribly difficult price. But it has been paid. And it was paid for all of us. Christ stands with this beautiful gift, offering it to anyone who stands in need of relief from pain, suffering and sin. Surely that includes all of us. 

       That Christmas on my mission was dedicated to sincere repentance, godly sorrow and an ultimate acceptance of the joy and peace that comes from feeling clean and forgiven by the Lord. Christmas became more than just giving and receiving temporal things, it became a spiritual experience that increased my testimony and appreciation for the Savior, Jesus Christ and His mortal ministry. I think this Christmas will always stand apart for me because I finally gave Christ the perfect gift; the acceptance of His.

       Make this Christmas a personal and spiritual experience. Be partakers of this heavenly gift (Ether 12) Christ is trying to offer you. 

Let Me Carry You

       At the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah, all missionaries are given time to break away from the books and get some exercise. There is a soccer field across from the MTC where missionaries go frequently for an hour or two to take a small break from the hours of studying. For a small time, the field was being occupied by other members of the church who were not missionaries at the time. This caused confusion and made it difficult for the Elders and Sisters to get in any playing time. After a few days, the MTC put up a sign that said "Missionaries Only". For a day or two, missionaries were able to enjoy the playing field to themselves without any other members interrupting their play or calling dibs on the field. However, a few days later, some hooligans placed another sign as a companion to the first that read, "Every Member a Missionary". 

       We hear that phrase all the time, it's one of those Mormon things we just say. We know we all have a great responsibility to bring the gospel to our dear friends and family and invite all to come unto Christ. BUT. Sometimes sharing the gospel is hard. Sometimes it's super awkward. Sometimes it just doesn't work and we don't have an Ensign story to send in. That can stink. That can make it super hard to gain momentum and do it all over again. One of my favorite missionary stories comes from the history of our pioneer ancestors. The story is told by President Gordon B Hinkley.

"I should like to tell you of three eighteen-year-old boys. In 1856 more than a thousand of our people, some of them perhaps your forebears, found themselves in serious trouble while crossing the plains to this valley. Because of a series of unfortunate circumstances, they were late in getting started. They ran into snow and bitter cold in the highlands of Wyoming. Their situation was desperate, with deaths occurring every day.

President Young learned of their condition as the October general conference was about to begin. He immediately called for teams, wagons, drivers, and supplies to leave to rescue the bereft Saints. When the first rescue team reached the Martin Company, there were too few wagons to carry the suffering people. The rescuers had to insist that the carts keep moving.

When they reached the Sweetwater River on November 3, chunks of ice were floating in the freezing water. After all these people had been through, and in their weakened condition, that river seemed impossible to cross. It looked like stepping into death itself to move into the freezing stream. Men who once had been strong sat on the frozen ground and wept, as did the women and children. Many simply could not face that ordeal.

And now I quote from the record: “Three eighteen-year-old boys belonging to the relief party came to the rescue, and to the astonishment of all who saw, carried nearly every member of the ill-fated handcart company across the snowbound stream. The strain was so terrible, and the exposure so great, that in later years all the boys died from the effects of it. When President Brigham Young heard of this heroic act, he wept like a child, and later declared publicly, ‘that act alone will ensure C. Allen Huntington, George W. Grant, and David P. Kimball an everlasting salvation in the Celestial Kingdom of God, worlds without end.’”

       

       I have read this story countless times and I can never get through it without a box of tissues in hand. It is so touching to think and imagine myself there that day as those boys stood and made the best out of a really difficult situation. There are a few lessons learned from these boys that applies greatly to our duty as life-long member missionaries.

       First, there are plenty who need saving. This account talks about countless individuals who had worked so hard and traveled so far, only to come to an impossible barrier. They were tired and all hope seemed lost. They were too weak to carry on and the thought of crossing that river seemed impossible. I think some of the most important missionary work we can render in these last days is that to our brothers and sisters who are already a part of the fold. There are countless members who are slowly getting weaker through the difficult tasks and trials this life has to offer. They are getting tired and need a helping hand, or someone to carry them over the river. Over the past few weeks, Chris and I have seen close friends struggling with policy changes, church history and the plain old difficult things mortality has to offer us. Some of the most rewarding missionary work in our lives has been to render a listening ear and a non-judgmental heart to the already members of the church who just need a simple reminder of the wonders of the gospel. 

       Second, sharing the gospel can be uncomfortable. I can't imagine the thought process of these boys that day. They must have looked at that water with large ice chunks and thought, "How am I going to even get myself over that river? Let alone the whole company?" I don't know what kind of powerful prompting or sweet promise the Lord offered to those young men or if they just realized what was most important. But either way, they got over the fact that they would be hurting, feeling uncomfortable and likely suffer life-long consequences as a result of what they were about to do and started acting. Sometimes sharing the gospel can feel awkward and uncomfortable, and we may not enjoy a second of it. But there will be life-long positive consequences that are given in return. I heard over and over again in the MTC that "there is no growing in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growing zone." That simple phrase helped me get past my silly fears of opening my mouth and realize that I would never grow as a missionary or even a servant of the Lord if I wasn't willing to get outside my comfort zone and sacrifice feeling a little uncomfortable. 

       Third, the blessings that come from serving others are endless. While these young men certainly didn't enjoy healthy and long lives after their heroism, they were welcomed back to their Father in Heaven with open arms and I'm sure with great pride. I like to think of ways I can make Heavenly Father proud of me. I know there are times when He just looks down on His children and smiles because of the good they are doing. Some days, He is just so darn proud of what people are doing to build His kingdom. I'm sure those boys were the top of His list that day. The blessings that come from sharing the gospel are endless and will never be forgotten by the Lord. While He is quick to forget our flaws and mistakes, He has a perfect memory of our efforts and our triumphs and eagerly awaits to reward them. We will never share the gospel and think, "Dang, what was I thinking? Sharing the gospel was a terrible idea." But, there are specific days from my mission I can still remember being prompted to talk to certain people and I didn't do it. I remember their faces, where I was, and even what some of them were wearing. And those are some of the biggest regrets I have from my mission. We will never regret opening our mouths and we will likely always regret staying quiet and passing up opportunity to share.

       We have so many brothers and sisters who are in need of our service and our love. President Hinkley stated that every new convert to the church needs three things in order to stay converted to the gospel: An assignment, a friend, and constant nourishment of the word of God. Too often, we are over the top eager to get those three things to our new converts, and we fail to realize that some of the life-long members of the church are lacking these basic needs. Too many members are without a good friend that they can lean on or that they know will carry them across an icy river if needed. Too many aren't receiving the constant nourishment they need because their home/visiting teachers have let another month slip by without stopping by. While non-members absolutely, 1,000% need us to open our mouths and declare the gospel at all times, we must remember that our brothers and sisters in the church are in need of that service just as much. 

       We have all had a point in our lives where we have been tired, too weak to carry on and have sat at the bank of an icy river feeling hopeless. We've all been in a sacrament meeting feeling sad or like nothing seems to be going right, then all of a sudden someone says something that just penetrates our heart. A visiting teacher stops by at the precise moment to offer a hug and a listening ear, and it turns out to be the greatest tender mercy. We've all been that person at the bank of the river at some point. When we are strong and immovable in the gospel, it is our turn to be brave and bear the cold for someone who can't. It's our turn to trust the Savior and be instruments in His hands. 

       Before I attended Trek, a musical program was directed with songs honoring the pioneers and their dedication to reach the Salt Lake Valley. One of my favorites honors these young men again for their courage and the selfless love in which they acted upon. 

Nine hundred saints. 

You came across the seas and plains. 

Hunger and cold have taken some away.

You're in despair, a

nd you just don't have the strength,

To cross this river standing in your way

You can't feel your feet, a

nd your hands are frozen through,

The Father knows all that you've been through.

So let me be the Father's hands today,

My shoulders will bear you up with His strength

Let me carry you. 

Let me bear the cold

I am here to share your load

Through all you've done, y

ou have been true

But this is something you just can't do

Let me carry you.

You're almost there. 

You will make it to the end

You will go on. 

And you'll find your strength again.

So one by one climb upon my back

And I will give you e

verything I have

We're brothers in this earthly trail of tears

The faith we share i

s stronger than our fears.

                      So let me be the Father's hands today,

               My shoulders will bear you up with His strength.

Let me carry you. 

Let me bear the cold

I am here to share your load

Through all you've done, y

ou have been true

But this is something you just can't do,

Let me carry you.

       Be willing to get chilly and out of your comfort zone. Be willing to share the load of another and bear their burdens. And seek out those who are in need of being carried for a time. And to those who are sitting at the banks of the river, let us carry you.

The Climb: Finding Strength in Adversity

       If you were hoping for a Miley Cyrus tribute because of the title of this post, you will be sorely disappointed. The lessons I learned from the good people of Chile on my mission are countless. But I remember one in particular that came from a wonderful mission leader while I was serving in Valparaiso. We'd had a few bumps that transfer and I was getting frustrated over certain things. I was ready for a change of scenery and as usual, needed a spiritual (and probably literal) slap to the face to help me recognize that there were countless blessings at my feet. My mission leader sensed my frustration and told me, "Hermana Nichols, you can't wait for the Lord to move mountains for you, even though He's capable of doing so. He may not move them, but He will surely help you climb them." This hit me so hard, and it's something I have remembered every time the Lord has pushed me to my limits and given me something I felt I wasn't capable of overcoming.

       I've thought a lot about the trials that come to us in this life over the past few weeks as I have watched close friends and family struggle to "climb their mountains". Over the past couple of weeks alone I have heard from a close friend going through an unexpected divorce, watched another individual wait over ten years to have children, another lose their faith and leave the church, and more. It seems like people are just having to go through some tough stuff lately. If anything, all these trials are evidences that we are in the last days and getting that much closer to welcoming our Savior! #Booyah. We know He saved the elect and strongest of His children for the last days, and the trials He is trusting us to bare are evidence that we are a part of a chosen generation. Pretty cool, eh? While we know we are loved and chosen and elect and all that jazz, it can be pretty tough to trek up the mountains God is putting before us. I think in our most difficult times, we forget some of the most basic and essential gospel truths.

Things to remember when faced with hardship and trials:
1. God loves His children
2. All life experiences are meant to make us more like Christ
3. The Atonement of Jesus Christ will enable our efforts
4. There is no race along the iron rod
5. You, in your divine potential, can do all things

God Loves His Children
       Nephi was undoubtedly faced with opposition after opposition. Their names were Laman and Lemuel. Aside from brothers who weren't a real delight to be around, Nephi endured years spent traveling to an unknown and unseen promised land, hunger, persecution from Laban and his brothers, and the eventual division of his family completely forming two new civilizations. (Not exactly my cup of....hot chocolate.) There were very rare days that were real peachy. However, Nephi remains obedient and optimistic for the future. While he was striving to increase his spiritual knowledge, an angel appeared to teach him. Among other questions, the angel addressed Nephi and asked "Knowest thou the condescension of God?" By which Nephi responded "I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." (1 Nephi 11:16-17) Did you see what Nephi did here? When faced with opposition, we first must hold tight to what we already have concrete knowledge of, that our Heavenly Father loves His children. But, we certainly don't know all things.
      I recently watched the movie "The Cokeville Miracle" with my husband. Sheesh, what a story. I don't know why God allowed those little children to be exposed to that kind of evil. I don't know why they were so lucky and got to survive that day while other children elsewhere don't. But this I do know, I KNOW God loves every single one of His children. He is mindful of them and wants them ALL back.
       Knowing this one simple truth can sure answer a lot of questions for us, or at least provide the needed peace until the answers do come. I don't know why some men and women never marry despite years of faithful service in the church. I don't know why some of the most good-hearted people are faced with terminal illness and heartache. I don't know why some of the most obedient parents (like my man, Lehi) are given some of the most disobedient children. I simply don't know. BUT, I know God loves them. I know He loves me. So I know His motives are good. They are perfect. Trials will certainly come as a natural consequence of sin, but I believe the Lord would never give us trials out of disappointment, frustration or anger towards our flaws and imperfections. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Knowing that we have the love and encouragement from the most noble individual in existence should be motivation enough to keep us going in tough times, no? If that's not enough, our beloved prophet gives us this beautiful reminder:

"My dear brothers and sisters, your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there." 

President Thomas S. Monson, "We Never Walk Alone"

All These Things Shall be for Thy Good
       I've always been impressed as I have read stories of the pioneers or countless other members of the church that through adversity, are still able to manage optimism and happiness. Nothing can bring em down! But how in the heckleberry can we be happy when that mountain seems to get a little steeper?

       Some of the most comforting and beautiful scripture in Doctrine and Covenants came from some of the darkest and most difficult days in early church history. The revelation came from a small jail that held the prophet and some of his closest friends in March of 1839. We've all seen the Joseph Smith Movie, and we've all cried our way through every heart wrenching scene of the saints being driven from their homes, Joseph being held in prison but longing to be with his wife Emma, and the countless times Joseph relied on the Lord to bring him out of a trying experience. When Joseph is it his lowest point, he cries out to the Lord, "O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?" (D&C 121:1) To which the Lord gives this answer that has undoubtedly been given to each of us at some difficult trial in our own lives.

"...know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

Doctrine and Covenants 122:7

       This counsel came as a great comfort to the prophet, and those trials were only a small moment in the eternal perspective that our Heavenly Father could see.

       God's "work and His glory" is to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). That means that every waking moment, He is up there thinking how He can make it easier for us to return back to Him. That's all He dreams about, is having His eternal family back in His presence. He knows the only way we can do that is by becoming like Him. There are specific qualities that we must possess while here on the earth in order to return back to His presence. I heard a Sunday school teacher say the following a few weeks ago:

"Some can and do learn by counsel alone. But others require learning through experience"

Nathaniel Jones

       There are some God-like qualities that we can only learn to develop as we go through difficult experiences. These experiences force us to rely on the Savior and practice patience and faith. Almost always, we can walk away from a trial recognizing that we have become a little better, a little humbler, and a little more like our Savior, Jesus Christ. Have you ever heard someone is sacrament meeting say they are grateful for their trials? (I'm still not there.) Maybe it's because they've finally understood that these trials aren't punishment, rather a help from our Heavenly Father. They are the experiences which will help us become like Him. The experiences are for our good.

The Enabling Powers of the Atonement
       I'd really just rather leave the link to the amazing talk I gained my testimony of this principle from. Read it. It will do a much better job than I could of explaining this amazing principle. Long story short, the enabling powers of the Atonement of Jesus Christ can ease our burdens and provide much needed strength and energy to endure. Just read the talk. I'm begging you. It's phenomenal.

"The enabling power of the Atonement strengthens us to do and be good and to serve beyond our own individual desire and natural capacity."

Elder David A. Bednar, "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality"

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/04/the-atonement-and-the-journey-of-mortality?lang=eng


There is no Race Along the Iron Rod
       Brothers and Sisters, we are all on the same path leading us to the tree of life. We are all trying to hold on tight to that iron rod and get to the fruit that will provide lasting happiness and rest from our trials. What's ridiculously silly is that sometimes we seem to think it's a competition or a race. That somehow some of the fruit is a little sweeter than the rest or that the first place finishers are rewarded differently. Let me correct you. That's a bunch of garbage. Brothers and Sisters, slow down. It's okay to take your time and to even sit down at the bar and rest for a minute. There are lots of travelers that will be willing to take your hand and help you keep moving. There will surely be enough fruit for you when you get to the tree. Don't worry. Just make sure you're moving in the right direction.

Your Potential is Divine
       Christ came to the Earth to do the unthinkable in the most selfless way. He came in great humility to provide a way for His brothers and sisters to come back to the Father. Because He too was born with divine potential, He was able to live a sinless and selfless life that prepared Him for the miraculous performance of the gift we call the Atonement.

"What He did could only be done by Deity. As the Only Begotten Son of the Father in the flesh, Jesus inherited divine attributes. He was the only person ever born into mortality who could perform this most significant and supernal act. As the only sinless Man who ever lived on this earth, He was not subject to spiritual death. Because of His godhood, He also possessed power over physical death. Thus He did for us what we cannot do for ourselves. He broke the cold grasp of death."

James E. Faust, "The Atonement: Our Greatest Hope"

       Because we too are born with divine potential, we are capable of doing difficult things. The enabling power of the Atonement (did you read that talk yet? Well, you should..https://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/04/the-atonement-and-the-journey-of-mortality?lang=eng) will strengthen us beyond our mortal capacity to bear our burdens and to endure happily. We are not your average little creation, guys. We are sons and daughters of God. Holy cow. Santa vaca. A doctrine so insane it's got to be emphasized in two languages. I think sometimes we forget just how stinking awesome we are because we come from such a stinking awesome family! You haven't forgotten right? You haven't forgotten your legitimate family tree? We came from God! The most all-powerful being! He is our FATHER! We are His CHILDREN! Come on, we are bound to do big things. He's rooting for us with the rest of our family because they know who we are and what we are capable of becoming. Trials in this life can seem so meaningless and small when we recognize the grand scheme of things and what we are destined for. As my lady Sheri Dew says, "we were born to lead, we were born for glory."

       Now, I don't pretend to have a life full of trials and difficulties and to understand them all perfectly. I frankly am quite blessed and have had far more happy times in my life than sad. So for those of you reading this thinking, "who does this girl think she is? She certainly doesn't understand what I have gone through. She's 22 and happily married. What could she possibly know about heartache and adversity?" Well. I don't know much. I know sometimes life isn't fair and we are dealt some pretty difficult cards. Sometimes we are victims of some of the most difficult experiences mortal life has to offer. I have asked countless times why bad things happen to such amazing people. Then I remember Him. A perfect individual who never said anything ill or negative to anyone. He never took a moment for Himself or cared what others would think of Him. His life was dedicated to the lonely and the outcasts, yet He was punished and executed like a vile prisoner. Tell me how that is fair. If you're still not at ease, let me bring in the powerhouse to help me out a little. It's a talk originally given to struggling missionaries but the same principle applies to all who might be struggling to "climb the mountain."

"Anyone who does any kind of missionary work will have occasion to ask, Why is this so hard? Why doesn’t it go better? Why can’t our success be more rapid? Why aren’t there more people joining the Church? It is the truth. We believe in angels. We trust in miracles. Why don’t people just flock to the font? Why isn’t the only risk in missionary work that of pneumonia from being soaking wet all day and all night in the baptismal font? 

You will have occasion to ask those questions. I have thought about this a great deal. I offer this as my personal feeling. I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience.Salvation never was easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him? It seems to me that missionaries and mission leaders have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane. Missionaries and mission leaders have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary. 

Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about anything anywhere near what Christ experienced. That would be presumptuous and sacrilegious. But I believe that missionaries and investigators, to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid, will have to pay a token of that same price. For that reason I don’t believe missionary work has ever been easy, nor that conversion is, nor that retention is, nor that continued faithfulness is. I believe it is supposed to require some effort, something from the depths of our soul. If He could come forward in the night, kneel down, fall on His face, bleed from every pore, and cry, “Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can pass, let it pass,”then little wonder that salvation is not a whimsical or easy thing for us. If you wonder if there isn’t an easier way, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot grander asked a long time ago if there wasn’t an easier way."

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Missionary Work and the Atonement

       Let us choose joy. Joy is our journey. Trials and heartache will be such a small moment when we can see things as our Father does. Remember He loves you effortlessly and perfectly. Trials are meant to help us back to Him and are motivated by the most sincere and powerful love that exists. The enabling powers of the Atonement will carry us up our mountains (read that talk yet?). There is no race along the iron rod. And our divine potential enables us to overcome difficult things. I love you, the Lord loves you, everyone loves you. And always remember, we rarely have more problems than we do blessings.