One day in class, we were talking about the Atonement, the monumental sacrifice of both body and Spirit of our Savior Jesus Christ. I can't count how many lessons throughout my life that I have had on this topic, but this one stands alone for me. Brother Monson began by reading the well known verse in Luke 22.
"Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine be done."
He then taught us that the "bitter cup" comes from a tradition among the Hebrews, one used commonly during great feasts. While members of the feast were dining, a bitter cup or goblet was placed in the center of the table. As guests drank their wine, bitter seeds would sink to the bottom of their glasses. Because of the bitter taste of the seeds, guests would pour them into the goblet in the center of the table, so that it would not affect the flavor of their wine. This added new meaning to the 3 Nephi 11:11 for me:
"And behold, I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world in the which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning."
Christ suffered immeasurable discomfort, pain, emotional and physical crisis, and heartbreak so that we would never be alone and so we would stand a fighting chance at getting back home to our eternal family. He willingly took those extra pepperonis and that goblet from the center of the table and ate/drank it all, so that we wouldn't have to. Through this selfless act of love and obedience towards the Father and towards us as His brothers and sisters, we can become clean and prepare ourselves to worthily walk back into His presence and be reunited with our Father. "Oh sweet, the joy this sentence gives: I KNOW that my Redeemer lives!" Though this sacrifice overcame adversity and death as permanent conditions, it did not remove those experiences from mortality. In a very small way, mortality calls us all, to at one point or another, take a small sip from the bitter cup.
It's no secret that Chris and I want kids. It's something we have wanted since the beginning of our marriage and have worked hard towards. However, this frequently advertised blessing in our church has not come easy for us. We've sought guidance and comfort through prayer, fasting and repentance, and medical attention through specialists and professional treatment. It has been our small dose of taking a taste from the bitter cup. However, something I have learned over the past few months is that if we are not careful, drinking from the bitter cup will make US bitter, and more distinct and unfamiliar to our Heavenly Father.
Last weekend I sat in a sacrament meeting where a beautiful baby girl was being blessed. Little Mia is perfect. And as I watched my brother in law, Aaron and his beautiful wife, Tiffany testify of forever families and answered prayers, my heart started to break. It's not that I wasn't happy for them, because I was. There are no two people on this Earth that are more deserving of an eternal family. They have waited for years, trusted in the Lord, and they finally received their miracle. But as I sat in the congregation, I felt my heart grow bitter. Not bitter towards them, and not even bitterness towards my Heavenly Father for giving Chris and I this particular trial, but a bitterness that I think targeted towards the whole gospel experience a little bit. I grew upset that this was God's plan for me. Isn't His plan called the plan of happiness? Ironic, because I really wasn't feeling too happy. A potent thought came to my mind as we sang the final hymn of the meeting: "Krissy, the point of drinking the bitter cup is not to become bitter."
When someone hopes and prays and fasts and puts all of their energy into obtaining the faith to receive a certain blessing, it can become extremely troublesome to see others collect those blessings with what seems to be little to no effort. It can be so easy to fall into the trap of saying, "Why is she more deserving of that blessing than I am?" or "He isn't as active as I am, and doesn't hold a calling like I do, how is it that God trusts him with that blessing that I want, but not me?" This distorted thinking makes tasting the bitter cup even more burdensome.
I have found myself on multiple occasions complaining to Chris about our circumstances and how unfair it is that others seem to be given the opportunity to become parents. I have said things like, "We've been married longer than they have!" or "We both have graduated, we've got good jobs and benefits, aren't we fit to become parents?" or "She's way younger than I am, she's batting out of order, shouldn't I get to be pregnant first!?". As silly as it all sounds, it's the way I have genuinely felt. I have immaturely felt cheated in mortality, like I have done all that God has asked, and it hasn't gotten me the one righteous blessing I am urged in every General Conference to seek. I have prayed verbally asking Heavenly Father, "Have I missed something? Did I fail? What else do you need be to do to prove to you that I can do this? That I want this?" I've become bitter towards the gospel experience that includes God having His timing for individualized plans for each of His children. I've become bitter that the plan God has for some of His other children isn't the plan He has for me. But, just like everything else in the Gospel, Jesus Christ is the Master teacher and can help us rectify our feelings of uneasiness and take away the bitter sting we feel in adversity.
1. Seek a Testimony of Obedience
I have found that sipping from the bitter cup is much easier if you have a concrete testimony of the principle of obedience. In most of my prayers recently, I have been requesting additional insight and energy to want to obey, to want to go through something uncomfortable. When Chris and I were walking out of that Sacrament meeting last week, I shared with him what I had learned. I told him, "I learned that I need to drink the bitter cup without becoming bitter. The point of the gospel is to help us become strong enough that we can willingly drink from that cup because we know it's the best possible thing we could do for ourselves...but I'm not there yet." Alma 32 teaches us that if we have even a small desire to believe, that is enough. Obedience and faith go hand in hand. Having faith and being obedient don't mean that we aren't nervous or that we don't struggle. But it means we are willing to push forward, having faith in things we can't yet see. Even Christ, who was perfect in every capacity asked if there was an easier way. With His perfect faith, He pressed forward and drank the bitter cup willingly, a blessing that has enriched us all.
"If you wonder if there isn’t an easier way, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot grander asked a long time ago if there wasn’t an easier way."
-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
2. Do not shrink
Recently, my former Young Women's leader (who I have the absolute highest respect and admiration for) sent me a talk from Elder Bednar, "That We Might Not Shrink" based on the scripture found in D&C 19:18:
"Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—"
Elder Bednar shares a personal experience he had while speaking with Elder Neil A. Maxwell about his battle with Leukemia.
"During the course of our conversations that day, I asked Elder Maxwell what lessons he had learned through his illness. I will remember always the precise and penetrating answer he gave. “Dave,” he said, “I have learned that not shrinking is more important than surviving.”
When we are faced with adversity, the most important thing we do is remain faithful to our Heavenly Father and the covenants we have made. Not shrinking in the face of adversity comes when we build our foundation on Christ, which is always a solid foundation. (Helaman 5:12)
3. Remember that all blessings come
We are taught through the scriptures and from latter-day leaders to remain persistent, full of faith and to always trust in the Lord. But can we all agree that sometimes it is SO stinking hard to stay patient and confident when you don't know if the blessing is ever even going to come!? I have found a lot of comfort in my patriarchal blessing and attending the temple. They are both amazingly powerful reminders that this life is such a small stage in our eternal progression. If the blessings I want aren't mine in this life, they will be mine in the next life.
“Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.”
-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
4. Never Forget God's Perfect Love for You
He hasn't forgotten you or misplaced the blueprint for your life. Everything is playing out perfectly, the way HE has designed it. Sometimes it's difficult to remember that we actually aren't the one's who know what's best for us. There is someone else who knows our likes and our dislikes, our weaknesses and our strengths, and He wants nothing more than to bless us infinitely with the things that will make us happy. I feel lucky that the bitterness I have felt has never been targeted towards my Heavenly Father. I have such an immovable and unshaking testimony that He loves me and is doing what He knows is best for me. I may not know exactly why He blesses me with certain experiences or the exact lessons He wants me to learn, but I know it's always motivated by His perfect love for me. The blessings given and the blessings withheld in our mortal journey are all demonstrations of God's love.
Stay strong, people! We got this. Drinking the bitter cup and eating the extra pepperonis of this life isn't ever easy. But you remember, you aren't alone. The Lord loves you infinitely and trusts you so deeply. You were sent to Earth at this time because He had all confidence that you would succeed. It was never in your eternal plan to fail. I love you, Jesus loves you, everyone loves you!
Keep the faith.
--Krissy
