Our Lives are NOT our Own

The past few weeks have really put a lot on my mind. I've thought a lot about what I am really contributing to the Lord's kingdom, where I'm at with my life, and what the Lord needs me, Krissy Brower, to do during my mortal mission. Several events have brought me to post my thoughts, and I hope no one takes offense to the things I am about to say. It's all personal opinion and beliefs I have come to have as I have studied the scriptures prayerfully and sought to follow the Spirit. These are the things HE has taught me.

There's a doctrine of the gospel that has truly changed my life. It's altered my way of thinking, the way I treat others, how I spend my time, and has helped me change my goals dramatically to make sure I am on the right track. The lesson learned has been a repetitive one, as the Lord knows I require a couple experiences before I really get principles down. (Stubborn, I am.)

The first came as I served a full time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Vina del Mar, Chile. I went through the typical struggles most missionaries do; I had tough companions, (though there were definitely times I was the tough companion), it took time for me to grasp the language, I got blisters on my feet, frustrated with individuals who didn't want to come to church, etc, etc. I went through a period of my mission about 9 months in of just not loving it. I got up every day knowing that I was living "the best two years", but I was not enjoying it. I was tired, all I could think about was sleep. My feet hurt, I walked from one end of my areas to the other just to knock on a door to see a Book of Mormon in a grocery bag tied to the door or an investigator telling my companion and I that they had received an answer that the Mormon church just wasn't for them. I was not loving my mission. I wanted to be home and I wanted to move on with my life. One morning my companion and I got up early to catch a bus for a Zone Conference to hear some counsel passed down from our mission president to other missionary leaders in our mission. We sat down to watch a short video at the beginning of the meeting, and I have to admit, I didn't have the best attitude. I was frustrated with my area, our investigators, and I felt pressure to bring the area out of the rut it had been in for so long. As the video started, my attitude began to shift. I don't think the Spirit has ever knocked me upside the head so hard in my entire life. It was a moment when I truly experienced a "mighty change of heart" as the scriptures say. It was a video talking about missionary work and the atonement. President Henry B. Eyring's soothing voice starts out talking about never being slothful and always fulfilling our duties. Then his words penetrated my heart unlike anything I have ever felt in my life:

"We are to learn our duty from the Lord, and then we are to act in all diligence, never being lazy or slothful. The pattern is simple but not easy to follow. We are so easily distracted. Studying the daily news can appear more interesting than the priesthood lesson manual. Sitting down to rest can be more attractive than making appointments to visit those who need our priesthood service.

When I find myself drawn away from my priesthood duties by other interests and when my body begs for rest, I give to myself this rallying cry: “Remember Him.” The Lord is our perfect example of diligence in priesthood service. He is our captain. He called us. He goes before us. He chose us to follow Him and to bring others with us." 

Never before had the words of one of the Lord's servants touched me on such a deep level. At that moment I knew my pride had kept me from doing the Lord's work the Lord's way. I realized that my mission wasn't about me at all. I realized that this mission wasn't so I could come home with a stronger testimony or so that I would be better prepared to marry and be a wife and mother. My missionary purpose was to "invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end." There is nothing about me written in that purpose, and during that time of my mission, I was trying to make it about me, my worries, my fears, and my efforts. From that day on, my mission was different. That was the first time the Lord taught me this important lesson: It's not about me.

The second instance that I learned this important lesson came as I was engaged to the hunk of a man I now get to call my hubbs. Planning our wedding was pretty simple as I was blessed with amazingly crafty sisters and our families were over-the-top helpful. There wasn't a lot to stress about. But, as everyone knows, staying morally clean while being engaged can be a challenge. Chris and I talked about this a lot as our temple marriage was the most important thing to us. I was enrolled in a Marriage-Prep class at the time at Utah State University where I had an amazing teacher who just said it like it is. He wasn't one to sugar coat things and I sure appreciated that. One day we were covering chastity and someone was brave enough to ask the question that was on all of our minds: "How do we stay morally clean when sometimes it can be so hard?" I waited for his answer expecting the typical "set boundaries, stick to them and pray often.." Which is great advice, but I am so grateful Brother Hunsaker paused and let the Spirit teach us instead. He began to read from 1 Corinthians chapter 6,

"Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s."

 He paused and then said something close to the following: "We have to trust in the doctrine that our bodies are not our own and that truly the greatest price ever paid was for those bodies. Without divine sanction we cannot and must not share them with each other or it will hurt our relationship. The principle of bridling our passions is one of the greatest acts of love towards an individual that we can express, that we will hold back so that when we are approved to share it, it will not have been cheapened at all and it will be of greater power because of the bridling."

Understanding yet again that my body, my spirit, my life, my very existence (Mosiah 2:21, 4:21) are not my own began to alter every choice I made.

The doctrine I learned so deeply that morning in zone conference and then again in an Institute classroom was this: my life is not my own. God loves His children so He provided an Earthly opportunity for us to come and progress to become like Him. The purpose of this life is to prepare to meet God and eventually reach exaltation. When we truly understand that doctrine, all worries about women and the priesthood, leadership positions, early history of the church, ever changing standards and every other pride-driven doubt can go out the window. Why? Because our life is NOT really ours. The Lord fully expects us to develop faith through the principles and ordinances of the gospel and then to put our trust in Him and become active agents 24/7. Our mortal purpose is similar to that of a missionary; to invite OTHERS to come unto Christ. And yes, in that process we will have some personal gain. Our testimonies are strengthened as we gain experience, we develop concrete faith that will carry us through difficult trials and questions of the soul are answered as we develop the ability to seek and receive personal revelation. Once we come unto Christ (we cannot convert anyone above our own conversion), understanding this principle will inspire us to dedicate the life God gave us to selfless service, which ultimately is the only way back to Him.

As our society continues to change and shift closer and closer to the adversary's way of doing things, I feel like I've seen others try and lower the standard. The Lord CANNOT DO THAT. His standard is set and that cannot change. So many men and women are worked up that women cannot hold the priesthood. More women want "equality" in the church. Same sex attraction is begging to be an accepted trend and lifestyle in the church. More steady and strong members are questioning Brother Joseph's mortal mission and what he really stood for. While there is a new argument on these subjects daily, I've tried to remember that doctrine that has changed my life so dramatically. IT DOES NOT MATTER. Why? Because this isn't really our life, is it? It's God's life and we are simply the tools in His hands to bring about His work. Why is it then, that sometimes we aren't active agents at all? Instead, we make concepts of the gospel much more complex than they need to be and waste valuable time trying to lower a standard or change a doctrine we know will forever remain the same. I don't know why women don't hold the priesthood in all honesty. All I know is God gave it to man. Maybe one day I will come to an understanding in this life as to why that is, and maybe I wont. But that is up to God if He wants me to learn that lesson here in mortality or to let me show my faith by simply trusting Him. I know one day all my questions will be answered, so for the time being, whatever the Lord asks I will follow. Some might say that unquestionable obedience is foolish and demonstrates weakness as one follows whatever is being asked without really looking into the subject. While a continuous study of the scriptures and foundational doctrines of the gospel is essential to an ongoing conversion, a constant need to answer insignificant questions about principles that have already been established is not.

One of my favorite scriptures is found in the Book of Mormon in the book of Mosiah 4:9.

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend."

Too frequently we have the mindset that we somehow know more than our church leaders and sometimes more than the Lord. A lot don't even recognize that they are doing it. When we start to assume that women need more voice and more equality in the church, we are quietly under our breath saying, "How is it that God doesn't know that women aren't contributing to the church? How is it that He doesn't know that they need the priesthood? How is it that He is completely unaware that the church needs this change?" Mortal stupidity amazes me. God is the head of the church for good reason. He knows it all. President Monson, and Joseph Smith are not and never were or will be the head of this church. While they surely act and speak for God, this is not the Church of Thomas S. Monson, or the Church of Joseph Smith as so many believe. It is the Church of Jesus Christ. All decisions made for our day are made by the Lord and simply announced by His servants. God knows all, so He makes the decision. WE DO NOT KNOW ALL WE THINK WE DO. And we surely don't know anywhere close to what God knows.

Because our lives are truly not our own, I think the Lord is disappointed when He has already given us a testimony and we waste His time on topics that aren't building His kingdom (D&C 6:22-23). This life isn't for personal gain, personal interests or personal accomplishments. We are to lose our lives in the service of others and dedicate what we have to God and His gospel and then the growth comes. Our goal is to be like Jesus Christ, and He never made things about Himself. After performing the atonement and suffering beyond anything I could ever imagine, I think He deserved a little break. He lived a perfect life and made it possible for all mankind to return back to the Father. That's a job well done and in my opinion, He deserved a little rest. But instead of doing that, He went straight to the spirit world and started preaching for the next three days. More work! That is someone who recognizes that His life truly wasn't His.

I have such an undeniable testimony given to me by the Spirit that this is the church of Jesus Christ. His gospel is, and always has been perfect. I have a testimony that God works through imperfect people but that He will never allow the church to stray. I know His word is final and concrete and that if I follow Him, I will never regret my decisions. I know without any question in my heart and mind that the Savior loves us. He wants us back and is willing to work with us by providing testimony and answers to questions that will give us insight and direction. I know my life is not my own. I know I am God's, and I am so grateful He trusts me to be a part of this work. There is so much for us to do, never get caught in Satan's trap thinking that we contribute little to the gospel. There is MUCH to do and if we follow the guidance of the Spirit, we will be led to know what the Lord needs from us individually.

Video from Zone Conference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6FKiNVbw3Y