Seeing with Spiritual Eyes

While I was on my mission in Vina del Mar, Chile, I met some of the most amazing people I have ever come in contact with. It was easy to fall in love with so many of those Chileans, and I couldn't bare the thought of leaving when my 18 months was up. One of my favorite things as a missionary was personal scripture study in the mornings. I never felt like I had enough time to look up every verse, or read through every conference talk or scan through every Preach My Gospel activity there was. I truly became hungry and loved feasting on the words of Christ.
I was near the end of my mission in an area called Chorrillos that quite literally was just a big mountain. I have so many amazing memories of Hermana Stott and I tackling those hills every day, wearing bright green ponchos in the pouring rain, and seeing the light come back into the eyes of so many who were lost. Chorrillos holds a very special place in my heart. I remember one particular week, however, that I was really struggling with our area. There were SO many less actives. I felt like we had to save them all, and that felt nearly impossible at the age of 21. I became frustrated with many of them and the excuses they made for not coming to church on Sundays. I felt like their excuses weren't justifiable and that they were trying to convince me that they would be happy worshiping God in their own way. (<<THE most common Chilean phrase of all time) Hermana Stott and I were at a brick wall, we felt like we were pulling teeth trying to help these members come back to the fold. Then, one day in personal scripture study, it hit me.

"Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation."
Doctrine and Covenants 58:3

What this first verse seems to tell me is that with our natural eyes, we are limited in what we can see. I am so grateful for the Spirit and the limitless things he is capable of teaching us. The lesson he taught me that morning was that if I was going to be a true disciple of Christ, I needed to start using my spiritual senses rather than my natural ones. 

For example, someone with natural eyes might see someone smoking on the side of the road and think, "long shot, religion is probably the last thing on their mind", whereas an individual with spiritual eyes would see that person as a child of God who could really help strengthen the church. The difference is being able to see individuals as Christ sees them; souls of infinite worth that have already had the price of their sins paid for.

The classic "natural man" scripture found in the Book of Mormon states:

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child,submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19)

If we are to develop spiritual senses, we have to rely on the changing powers of the Atonement and follow the Spirit in becoming "new creatures". 

I taught countless investigators who understood this lesson far deeper than I did, even as a life-long member of the church. They were the real teachers in our appointments. One woman who was the epitome of someone with spiritual senses was Herminia. What a woman, what a woman. She was the oldest person I taught during my mission, and certainly one of the wisest. Herminia progressed just as quickly as an investigator can progress. She never missed a week of church from the day we starting teaching her, accepted new doctrine immediately, even though she'd devoted her entire life to another faith, and is definitely the reason I gained another few pounds near the end of my mission. Once she felt the Spirit, she accepted everything that came out of our mouths.

Hermana Stott and I had noticed that Herminia had been drinking tea and coffee quite frequently, and that'd always been something on our minds. When it came time to teach her the Word of Wisdom, we had prayers in our hearts and waited to see what the Lord would do for her. In the middle of the lesson, Herminia stood up, went to the kitchen, then came back with her tea and coffee packages and said "no mas." She never drank tea or coffee again. As the lesson was ending, I couldn't help but look at my companion and then back at this sweet old woman with wonder and awe. Why did she trust us so much? Why was it that she was so willing to give up everything immediately? It's because Herminia had her spiritual eyes in tact. She listened with spiritual ears and acted. It put me in my place and sure taught me to be humble as I watched this woman who wasn't yet a member of our faith, act with such dedication and love towards the Savior. Herminia was baptized three weeks after we started teaching her and now has been through the temple and holds a calling in her ward. 

1 Corinthians 2:14 teaches us clearly the differences between one with natural senses rather than spiritual ones.

"But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned."

Alejandra was a living witness and testimony of overcoming every other natural voice coming at her. It was my final transfer as a missionary and I was transferred back to an area I had served in exactly a year prior. I couldn't have been more blessed to see those amazing people again. My first day in the new area was incredible, walking those same streets and recognizing so many faces. I really felt like I was coming home. Hermana Watt filled me in on everyone she and her previous companion had been teaching and we had a lot of work to do. They had worked hard in the area and had a lot of great things going for them. Alejandra was one of them. She was a 19 year old mother to an adorable little girl, living with her boyfriend, Kenny. From the first time I met her, I could tell she was special. She was meek and had a childlike excitement to learn more about the gospel. Hermana Watt had explained to me that they'd discussed the law of chastity and that Alejandra was aware it was keeping her from being baptized. We didn't really know what to teach at that point. We offered a prayer before knocking on her apartment door and then hoped the Spirit would walk us through the rest. As we talked, I could see she was such a faith-filled woman and I could see how much she had grown to love Hermana Watt and her companion. She'd developed an amazing testimony of The Book of Mormon and had an impressive understanding of gospel principles. As we were talking, I had the distinct impression to invite her to be baptized. WHAT. I just got there! How was I supposed to do that!? I started fighting with the Spirit in my head saying, "She's not ready. Don't you know, she's not living the law of chastity? She couldn't be baptized right now!" I ignored the prompting (something I repented of immediately after that lesson). A few minutes later and my heart starting pounding, and that same thought entered my mind, "Invite Alejandra to be baptized." I cleared my throat and looked at my companion. I then looked at Alejandra and said, "I know the Lord is so proud of you for all you've done to learn more about Him, and He knows you're ready. Will you follow His example by being baptized?" I thought my companion was going to slug me, I'm sure she was just over there thinking, "what on earth is this chick doing!?". Alejandra took only a few seconds to think it over before she accepted.

With almost no money in her pockets, Alejandra took the few belongings she did have (a box worth of baby clothes and her own, and then some furniture given to her by her boyfriend) and moved into a small apartment down the hill. The brethren from our ward helped her move, it didn't take long as she really didn't have a whole lot. I remember sitting in that apartment with her, it was nearly empty (until the Relief Society found out, that is). She looked at us and explained how happy she was. I did some serious repenting. I had seen this woman with my natural eyes, seeing the idea of her being baptized so soon as impossible and such a limitation. I saw that invitation as "foolishness". But, Alejandra and my wonderful companion didn't. Alejandra moved into her small empty apartment Friday, passed her baptismal interview on Saturday and was baptized Sunday.
Alejandra was able to listen to the missionaries with her spiritual senses, allowing her to overcome any natural thought or doubt into her mind. She was tempted to stay with her boyfriend, but her spiritual heart said it was time for her to come unto Christ. Her natural senses may have reminded her that it'll be hard as a single mom living alone and having to provide, but her spiritual senses told her that with faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ, all things are possible. I am so grateful that Alejandra had her spiritual senses more in tact than I did as a missionary, I know the Lord gain an immense amount of trust in her that day.

Now that I am off my mission and in a new phase of my life, I have needed the reminder to see every single one of God's children with my spiritual eyes in my every day life. It's easy to place judgments on those we may not know completely and far too acceptable to gossip. It's common to belittle others or search for their flaws rather than their strengths and talents.
Satan would like us to believe that the unkind words we might say or the cruel and unnecessary judgments we place on each other will not take a significant tole on the church. But we can be assured that is a lie just like everything else he might tell us. Remember, the natural man (or woman) is an enemy to God. With our spiritual senses, we will be able to see our brothers and sisters as the individuals they are capable of becoming. It will be easier to look past flaws and imperfections and easier to develop and apply Christlike love. May we all pray for the companionship of the Holy Ghost so that he might help us tune in more closely to our spiritual senses.

Step Out of the Boat: Developing Faith to Walk on Water

Matthew 14:24-31

"But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary. And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?"

We've read the account in Matthew countless times to illustrate the need to trust more fully in the Lord. The general theme we take when we study this event is the fact that Peter lacked faith. We know he did look away from the Savior and that he doubted, and as a result he began to sink. However, I want to switch gears a little bit and look at this story a little differently. While Peter did have a moment of weakness and doubt, we fail to acknowledge that he was with 11 other apostles that night, and he was the only one who walked on water apart from the Savior. It was Peter who called upon the Lord and accepted the invitation to "come". He had the faith to get out of the boat and walk to Christ while the storm continued to rage.  I've thought about Peter a lot. How many times in our lives do we not have enough faith to simply "leave the boat"? Too often we are much more like the 11 other apostles who stayed in the boat for the fear of "sinking" and a lack of trust in Christ. We spend time focusing on other insignificant circumstances or justifying our specific situations as to why we can't complete a faith-fulfilled task the Lord has invited us to take part in.The Spirit has helped me come up with three steps on how we can develop and continue to grow faith that will "walk on water".

Step 1: Ask the Lord; Listen and ACT on His invitations to "come". 

Peter asked the Lord, "If it be Thou, bid me to come unto Thee." He then waited for the Lord to answer, and then acted on the invitation having full faith in Christ. It just might be that this is why Peter and not the other disciples was invited to come out on the water. Simply because he asked. We must never be afraid to ask our Heavenly Father for opportunities to grow our faith. He is eagerly waiting to answer our prayers. But we  must be ready and so committed to Him that we are ready to follow whatever answer He gives us. (Moroni 10:4, "real intent" means we really intend to act.)

Alma 32:21 teaches us that "faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things, therefore if ye have faith, ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true." Faith is having complete trust and confidence even when we don't have physical evidence. It's not knowing and not seeing, believing that though we don't understand all things, our Heavenly Father does. Faith is ALWAYS expressed by obedience to Christ. It can be extremely difficult to show hope for something we cannot see. When Christ gave the invitation to "come", Peter immediately got out of the boat without hesitation. Christ didn't show Peter a hardened path in the water first or give him a detailed plan or explanation of how everything was going to work. This is what I find so incredibly admirable about Peter's faith. Though the Savior chose not to explain things in full detail first, Peter didn't stop to reconsider or ask Christ to provide some more details. He didn't require any further assurance. He acted on things he could not yet see.

One of my favorite stories from my family history comes from the life of my great-grandma, Leah Nichols. When her son, my grandpa George was very young, he became sick with scarlet fever. It became so severe that he lost the use of his legs entirely. My heart aches as I imagine the countless nights as a young mother she must have spent on her knees trying to understand this trial. One night, Leah woke up from having a dream that she needed to buy George a tricycle. She thought that seemed a little silly, seeing as her son couldn't even walk, let alone use a tricycle. The dream came again and the prompting obviously came from the Spirit. With nothing but faith in the Lord, Leah went out to find work and began saving her money. After weeks of working, she finally bought the tricycle. George didn't sit on the tricycle and magically start peddling, Leah had to exercise even more prolonged faith. She spent hours on her knees with her hands placed over George's feet and moved them in a peddling motion. Eventually, George gained enough strength in his right leg to peddle on his own, leaving his left leg dragging behind. And with time and I'm sure countless prayers and fasting, enough strength was developed in his left leg and he was able to peddle the tricycle on his own. Until the day he passed away, I always knew my grandfather as a walking man, he was the evidence of what happens when we exercise a little faith.

God didn't show Leah everything, but He showed her enough. We worship a God of miracles. Be we cannot take part in those miracles if we aren't willing to leave behind the safety and comfort of the boat. So, let's recap. Step #1, faith that walks on water asks the Lord, listens and ACTS on His invitations to "come".

Step 2: Act with trust in the Father, His abilities and His will, rather than our own.

After taking the leap of faith to leave the boat, Peter did something no man apart from Christ had ever done. He walked on water. An absolute miracle took place. This was possible because Peter had his eyes set on Christ, knowing only through Him could he have the ability to walk on water. It's easy to look at all the abilities we don't have. Sometimes we think it would be better, or at least easier to stay in the boat, simply because we don't posses the abilities needed for what God has asked of us. We may feel overwhelmed when we are given a calling, feeling that someone else is better suited for the job, we may feel unready to get married, or we may feel that we don't have enough knowledge to become parents or raise a family. It is important to remember that Peter did not have the ability to walk on water until that night. He didn't have the ability after that night. The next time he went fishing, he couldn't walk on water. It was a special talent provided by the Lord for a special occasion and a special purpose. God has an endless supply of endless ability. Do not think that He will run out or that you are not worth Him supplying those abilities in your life.

On the other hand, we cannot simply think we have "enough" ability that we can accomplish things the Lord has asked of us on our own. We surely need His help. Part of trusting the Savior is knowing that His atonement will enable us to do things beyond our mortal capabilities. I learned this lesson while struggling in the early months of my mission trying to learn a foreign language. Though I thought my heart was right, I feared grammatical errors and man. After hours spent on my knees (and lots of crying, cause that's what sister missionaries do when they are frustrated.) I stopped caring about mistakes and started worrying more about inviting the Spirit into my life so he could teach me. Within a few short but faith-driven months I was comfortably speaking the language.

Faith always seeks the Lord first and to do His will. The goal of faith is and must ALWAYS be obedience to His will. faith is not a tool to achieve our own agenda. In my experience with trying to learn Spanish, I was telling God how to answer my prayers and how to do His work. I'm stating the obvious when I say this is not how it works. Recap. Step #2, faith that walks on water acts with trust in the Father, His abilities and His will rather than our own.

Step 3: Keep your eyes fixed on Christ.

Howard W. Hunter said the following:

"While Peter's eye was fixed on his Lord, the wind might have tossed his hair and the spray might have drenched his robes. But all was well. Only when with wavering faith he removed his glance from the Master look at the furious waves and the black gulf beneath him. Only then did he begin to sink...It is my firm belief that if as individual people, as families, communities and nations, we could, like Peter, fix our eyes on Jesus, we too might walk triumphantly over the swelling waves of disbelief and remain unterrified amid the rising winds of doubt. But if we turn away our eyes from Him in whom we must believe, as it is so easy to do and the world is so much tempted to do, if we look to the power and fury of those terrible and destructive elements around us rather than to Him who can help and save us, then we shall inevitably sink in an area of conflict, sorrow and despair."

Why is it that when the storms are raging, we look away from our Savior? That is the time we need Him very most. Why is it that we try and face these storms on our own? Sometimes, I think we are the cause and the very reason we are sinking. Battles with a crisis of faith, accepting doctrine, forgiving one who has wronged us and every other countless trial we might have encountered or certainly will encounter in mortality should NEVER be faced without the strength of our Savior who has overcome all things.

Too often, we just make dumb excuses as to why it is easier to stay in the boat. We concentrate so much on the fear of sinking that we miss out on opportunities to take part in the experiences and miracles that will amplify our faith. We cannot focus on our weaknesses, lack of abilities, limitations, or difficult circumstances. When we do this, we are basically telling Christ, "sorry, I can't." Peter was willing to leave the relative comfort of the boat in order to come unto Christ. Unwillingness to give up things we currently enjoy keeps many of us from reaching our divine potential as sons and daughters of God. It is much easier to stay comfortable where we are. Walking on water requires that we make difficult decisions. Building our faith may require some stumbling, awkward and humbling experiences. When we walk on water, we are walking away from what we find natural and comfortable and walking towards our highest goal in life: to become closer to the Savior, and eventually become as He is.

There will be times when we act in faith and find ourselves struggling or "beginning to sink". If our hearts are right with God and we sincerely desire to do His well, we can always trust the extended hands of our loving Savior to hold us up. Notice the scriptures say the Lord reached out to Peter "immediately", and only let Peter "begin" to sink. I love painting that image in my mind. Christ will never let us fail if we are trusting in Him. Surely He will let us learn on our own and may let us struggle, but He will ALWAYS be there with His arms extended with love. Step #3, keep your eyes fixed on Christ.

Leave your boat, remember God has an endless supply of talents and abilities He is willing to provide, and never forget His endless love towards His children. We can do amazing things when our trust is in Him who has overcome all things. May we all develop faith one day that will walk on water.

Our Lives are NOT our Own

The past few weeks have really put a lot on my mind. I've thought a lot about what I am really contributing to the Lord's kingdom, where I'm at with my life, and what the Lord needs me, Krissy Brower, to do during my mortal mission. Several events have brought me to post my thoughts, and I hope no one takes offense to the things I am about to say. It's all personal opinion and beliefs I have come to have as I have studied the scriptures prayerfully and sought to follow the Spirit. These are the things HE has taught me.

There's a doctrine of the gospel that has truly changed my life. It's altered my way of thinking, the way I treat others, how I spend my time, and has helped me change my goals dramatically to make sure I am on the right track. The lesson learned has been a repetitive one, as the Lord knows I require a couple experiences before I really get principles down. (Stubborn, I am.)

The first came as I served a full time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Vina del Mar, Chile. I went through the typical struggles most missionaries do; I had tough companions, (though there were definitely times I was the tough companion), it took time for me to grasp the language, I got blisters on my feet, frustrated with individuals who didn't want to come to church, etc, etc. I went through a period of my mission about 9 months in of just not loving it. I got up every day knowing that I was living "the best two years", but I was not enjoying it. I was tired, all I could think about was sleep. My feet hurt, I walked from one end of my areas to the other just to knock on a door to see a Book of Mormon in a grocery bag tied to the door or an investigator telling my companion and I that they had received an answer that the Mormon church just wasn't for them. I was not loving my mission. I wanted to be home and I wanted to move on with my life. One morning my companion and I got up early to catch a bus for a Zone Conference to hear some counsel passed down from our mission president to other missionary leaders in our mission. We sat down to watch a short video at the beginning of the meeting, and I have to admit, I didn't have the best attitude. I was frustrated with my area, our investigators, and I felt pressure to bring the area out of the rut it had been in for so long. As the video started, my attitude began to shift. I don't think the Spirit has ever knocked me upside the head so hard in my entire life. It was a moment when I truly experienced a "mighty change of heart" as the scriptures say. It was a video talking about missionary work and the atonement. President Henry B. Eyring's soothing voice starts out talking about never being slothful and always fulfilling our duties. Then his words penetrated my heart unlike anything I have ever felt in my life:

"We are to learn our duty from the Lord, and then we are to act in all diligence, never being lazy or slothful. The pattern is simple but not easy to follow. We are so easily distracted. Studying the daily news can appear more interesting than the priesthood lesson manual. Sitting down to rest can be more attractive than making appointments to visit those who need our priesthood service.

When I find myself drawn away from my priesthood duties by other interests and when my body begs for rest, I give to myself this rallying cry: “Remember Him.” The Lord is our perfect example of diligence in priesthood service. He is our captain. He called us. He goes before us. He chose us to follow Him and to bring others with us." 

Never before had the words of one of the Lord's servants touched me on such a deep level. At that moment I knew my pride had kept me from doing the Lord's work the Lord's way. I realized that my mission wasn't about me at all. I realized that this mission wasn't so I could come home with a stronger testimony or so that I would be better prepared to marry and be a wife and mother. My missionary purpose was to "invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end." There is nothing about me written in that purpose, and during that time of my mission, I was trying to make it about me, my worries, my fears, and my efforts. From that day on, my mission was different. That was the first time the Lord taught me this important lesson: It's not about me.

The second instance that I learned this important lesson came as I was engaged to the hunk of a man I now get to call my hubbs. Planning our wedding was pretty simple as I was blessed with amazingly crafty sisters and our families were over-the-top helpful. There wasn't a lot to stress about. But, as everyone knows, staying morally clean while being engaged can be a challenge. Chris and I talked about this a lot as our temple marriage was the most important thing to us. I was enrolled in a Marriage-Prep class at the time at Utah State University where I had an amazing teacher who just said it like it is. He wasn't one to sugar coat things and I sure appreciated that. One day we were covering chastity and someone was brave enough to ask the question that was on all of our minds: "How do we stay morally clean when sometimes it can be so hard?" I waited for his answer expecting the typical "set boundaries, stick to them and pray often.." Which is great advice, but I am so grateful Brother Hunsaker paused and let the Spirit teach us instead. He began to read from 1 Corinthians chapter 6,

"Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s."

 He paused and then said something close to the following: "We have to trust in the doctrine that our bodies are not our own and that truly the greatest price ever paid was for those bodies. Without divine sanction we cannot and must not share them with each other or it will hurt our relationship. The principle of bridling our passions is one of the greatest acts of love towards an individual that we can express, that we will hold back so that when we are approved to share it, it will not have been cheapened at all and it will be of greater power because of the bridling."

Understanding yet again that my body, my spirit, my life, my very existence (Mosiah 2:21, 4:21) are not my own began to alter every choice I made.

The doctrine I learned so deeply that morning in zone conference and then again in an Institute classroom was this: my life is not my own. God loves His children so He provided an Earthly opportunity for us to come and progress to become like Him. The purpose of this life is to prepare to meet God and eventually reach exaltation. When we truly understand that doctrine, all worries about women and the priesthood, leadership positions, early history of the church, ever changing standards and every other pride-driven doubt can go out the window. Why? Because our life is NOT really ours. The Lord fully expects us to develop faith through the principles and ordinances of the gospel and then to put our trust in Him and become active agents 24/7. Our mortal purpose is similar to that of a missionary; to invite OTHERS to come unto Christ. And yes, in that process we will have some personal gain. Our testimonies are strengthened as we gain experience, we develop concrete faith that will carry us through difficult trials and questions of the soul are answered as we develop the ability to seek and receive personal revelation. Once we come unto Christ (we cannot convert anyone above our own conversion), understanding this principle will inspire us to dedicate the life God gave us to selfless service, which ultimately is the only way back to Him.

As our society continues to change and shift closer and closer to the adversary's way of doing things, I feel like I've seen others try and lower the standard. The Lord CANNOT DO THAT. His standard is set and that cannot change. So many men and women are worked up that women cannot hold the priesthood. More women want "equality" in the church. Same sex attraction is begging to be an accepted trend and lifestyle in the church. More steady and strong members are questioning Brother Joseph's mortal mission and what he really stood for. While there is a new argument on these subjects daily, I've tried to remember that doctrine that has changed my life so dramatically. IT DOES NOT MATTER. Why? Because this isn't really our life, is it? It's God's life and we are simply the tools in His hands to bring about His work. Why is it then, that sometimes we aren't active agents at all? Instead, we make concepts of the gospel much more complex than they need to be and waste valuable time trying to lower a standard or change a doctrine we know will forever remain the same. I don't know why women don't hold the priesthood in all honesty. All I know is God gave it to man. Maybe one day I will come to an understanding in this life as to why that is, and maybe I wont. But that is up to God if He wants me to learn that lesson here in mortality or to let me show my faith by simply trusting Him. I know one day all my questions will be answered, so for the time being, whatever the Lord asks I will follow. Some might say that unquestionable obedience is foolish and demonstrates weakness as one follows whatever is being asked without really looking into the subject. While a continuous study of the scriptures and foundational doctrines of the gospel is essential to an ongoing conversion, a constant need to answer insignificant questions about principles that have already been established is not.

One of my favorite scriptures is found in the Book of Mormon in the book of Mosiah 4:9.

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend."

Too frequently we have the mindset that we somehow know more than our church leaders and sometimes more than the Lord. A lot don't even recognize that they are doing it. When we start to assume that women need more voice and more equality in the church, we are quietly under our breath saying, "How is it that God doesn't know that women aren't contributing to the church? How is it that He doesn't know that they need the priesthood? How is it that He is completely unaware that the church needs this change?" Mortal stupidity amazes me. God is the head of the church for good reason. He knows it all. President Monson, and Joseph Smith are not and never were or will be the head of this church. While they surely act and speak for God, this is not the Church of Thomas S. Monson, or the Church of Joseph Smith as so many believe. It is the Church of Jesus Christ. All decisions made for our day are made by the Lord and simply announced by His servants. God knows all, so He makes the decision. WE DO NOT KNOW ALL WE THINK WE DO. And we surely don't know anywhere close to what God knows.

Because our lives are truly not our own, I think the Lord is disappointed when He has already given us a testimony and we waste His time on topics that aren't building His kingdom (D&C 6:22-23). This life isn't for personal gain, personal interests or personal accomplishments. We are to lose our lives in the service of others and dedicate what we have to God and His gospel and then the growth comes. Our goal is to be like Jesus Christ, and He never made things about Himself. After performing the atonement and suffering beyond anything I could ever imagine, I think He deserved a little break. He lived a perfect life and made it possible for all mankind to return back to the Father. That's a job well done and in my opinion, He deserved a little rest. But instead of doing that, He went straight to the spirit world and started preaching for the next three days. More work! That is someone who recognizes that His life truly wasn't His.

I have such an undeniable testimony given to me by the Spirit that this is the church of Jesus Christ. His gospel is, and always has been perfect. I have a testimony that God works through imperfect people but that He will never allow the church to stray. I know His word is final and concrete and that if I follow Him, I will never regret my decisions. I know without any question in my heart and mind that the Savior loves us. He wants us back and is willing to work with us by providing testimony and answers to questions that will give us insight and direction. I know my life is not my own. I know I am God's, and I am so grateful He trusts me to be a part of this work. There is so much for us to do, never get caught in Satan's trap thinking that we contribute little to the gospel. There is MUCH to do and if we follow the guidance of the Spirit, we will be led to know what the Lord needs from us individually.

Video from Zone Conference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6FKiNVbw3Y

Individualized Treatment

**Because of confidentiality, I have changed the names and other information in this post to protect the boys I dearly love!

In the last week, I have come home to my husband bragging about how awesome my job is, and in tears ready to put in my two weeks notice. I absolutely love what I do, the people I work with teach me constantly, and I am pushed to limits I didn't know existed about every five-ten minutes.
Without spinning off specifics, I work with teenage boys in a private boarding school who are overcoming various struggles in life. They come from various parts of the world with different family backgrounds, religious beliefs, and personal values. Each boy couldn't be more unique and different. Our job is pretty simple, we are to provide a healthy relationship that can influence and motivate each of these boys to make changes and live a more positive life. No pressure.
 Because the boys are so different, (and at that charming age of maturity) it makes for some pretty entertaining interactions. My husband is in the heart of his student teaching at a local high school so we enjoy swapping stories at the end of the day. One of my jobs is to carefully watch each boy and make sure I don't see anything out of the ordinary. They have worked hard with other professionals to pinpoint a few areas that need improvement and it is my job to see how they are applying what they've learned.
Being in treatment is HARD. You are constantly being analyzed and told where you are not measuring up and what areas of your life are keeping you from being successful. Every day is scheduled out for you, you're away from friends and family, and while positive change is the eventual goal, sometimes it seems a little more distant than near. I've kept myself up for hours after my shift ends trying to fill out paperwork on certain boys and pinpoint specific instances where they showed these negative behaviors I was to be watching out for. I had to teach myself to be extremely observant and pay attention to the little things, and not just what was coming out of their mouth.
I've thought about this a lot in terms of the gospel. Are we not all in need of spiritual treatment and a constant analysis of the things that are keeping us from being like the Master? I quickly realized that I was quick to see fault in those teenagers and failed to notice, or strategically set aside, my own. Coming to a humble state of being able to pinpoint my own faults was a process I learned all too well while serving my mission in Chile. I had a wonderful mission president who I love dearly who wasn't afraid to tell me when I wasn't measuring up or when he knew I was capable of so much more. At times, he told me things I didn't like and that initially I found a little offensive. It wasn't until later in my mission that I matured spiritually and saw that he was being an agent in the Lord's hands to help me repent and become more like the Savior. The natural man likes to get upset, offended and justify sin. That's the habit I got into consistently and I am so grateful my mission president was willing to teach me that difficult lesson.
Having worked with those boys has taken me back to the streets of Chile and I have started to look at my own weaknesses a little more closely. I have started "charting" on my own dichotomies and rating how I did during the day. It's a tough spot to come to, rating yourself and admitting when you didn't have a very Christ-like day. But it has changed my life and my relationship with the Lord completely. I come to Him more humbly and more willing to talk about what we can do together to better prepare me for what I need to do in this life as well as come back to Him better prepared. Our relationship is better, more honest and more sincere.